Jokes Thread

2112

2112

Two Stroke
Goin-Commando said:
:D

trackdays1.jpg
Click to expand...


I remember this picture. I have long forgotten the original poster but it originated from a member @ ZX12R.ORG.

This bike was, to the best of my knowledge, the first year model for the new ZX10R and of course, it was getting raced like a good 10 should.:cool:
 
loxpump

loxpump

Rocker
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quickie' with
their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out
on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all
the neighborhood activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.

'An ambulance just drove by!'

'Looks like the Andersons have company,' he called out.

'Matt's riding a new bike!'

'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'

'Jason is on his skate board....'

After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having sex!!'

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out,

'How do you know they are having sex?'

'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle.'
 
Hedge

Hedge

American Infidel
Women - Explained by Engineers!

So I just came home from house hunting with Mrs. Hedge and she has exhausted me!

WomenExplainedbyEngineers_1.gif


WomenExplainedbyEngineers_2.gif


WomenExplainedbyEngineers_3.jpg


WomenExplainedbyEngineers_4.gif
 
Kirkus51

Kirkus51

Hooligan
hedge is gonna get me in trouble!! i sent these out to a couple of lady friends of mine. Hope they have a sense of humor. Or at least a catchy retort.
 
loxpump

loxpump

Rocker
BEST PICK UP LINE EVER


A Texas cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very a=tractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?'

No', he replies, 'I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.'

The intrigued woman says, 'A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?'

The cowboy explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.

The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?
Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.'

The woman giggles and replies 'Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'

The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says,........ 'Damn thing's an hour fast!'
 
loxpump

loxpump

Rocker
Sister Catherine was a Catholic Nun and Teacher of an all-girls school.

One day asking all the girls in fourth grade what they want to be when they grow up. Little Sheila replied, "When I grow up, I want to be a PROSTITUTE!"

Sister Catherine's eyes grow wide and she yells, "What, What did you say????"

"I said, that when I grow up, I want to be a PROSTITUTE!" Sheila repeats again with confidence.

Sister Catherine breathed a sight of relief and said "Whew! Thanks God! I thought you said "I want to be a Protestant!!!"
 
Hedge

Hedge

American Infidel
McDonnell Douglas website

This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by an employee who obviously has a sense of humour. The company, of course, does not and made the web department take it down immediately. (McDonnell Douglas is one of the world's chief suppliers of military aircraft.)

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below.
Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1.Personal Details
r Mr.
r Mrs.
r Ms. r Miss r Lt. r Gen. r Comrade rClassified r Other First

Name:..................................................... Initial: ........ Last

Latitude Longitude Altitude: ........... ...........

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
r F14 Tomcat
r F15 Eagle
r F16 Falcon
r F117A Stealth
r Classified

3.Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 01....... /....... /......

4.Serial Number: ...............................................

5. Please check where this product was purchased:
r Received as gift / aid package
r Catalog showroom
r Independent arms broker
r Mail order
r Discount store
r Government surplus
r Classified

6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
r Heard loud noise, looked up
r Store display
r Espionage
r Recommended by friend / relative / ally
r Political lobbying by manufacturer
r Was attacked by one

7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
r Style / appearance
r Speed / maneuverability
r Price / value
r Comfort / convenience
r Recommended by salesperson
r McDonnell Douglas reputation
r Advanced Weapons Systems
rBackroom politics
rNegative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
rNorth America
r Iraq
r Aircraft carrier
r Iraq
r Europe
r Iraq
r Middle East (not Iraq)
r Africa
r Asia / Far East
rMisc Third World countries r Iraq r Classified

9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
r Color TV
r VCR
r ICBM
r Satellite
r CD Player
r AirtoAir Missiles
r Space Shuttle
r Home Computer
r Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Check all that apply:)
r Communist / Socialist
r Terrorist
r Crazed -Islamic
r Crazed -Other
r Neutral
r Democratic
r Dictatorship
r Corrupt
r Primitive / Tribal
 
Hedge

Hedge

American Infidel
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
r Deficit spending
r Cash
r Suitcases of cocaine
r Oil revenues
r Personal check
r Credit card
r Ransom money
r Traveler's check

12. Your occupation:
r Homemaker
r Sales / marketing
r Revolutionary
r Clerical
r Mercenary
r Middle management
r Eccentric billionaire
r Defense Minister / General
r Retired
r Student

13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
r Golf
r Boating / sailing
r Sabotage
r Running / jogging
r Propaganda / disinformation
r Destabilization / overthrow
r Gardening
r Crafts
r Black market / smuggling
r Collectibles / collections
r Watching sports on TV
r Wines
r Interrogation / torture
r Household pets
r Espionage / reconnaissance
r Fashion clothing
r Border disputes
r Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes! Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department
Military Aerospace Division
P.O. Box 800
St. Louis, MO 55500
 
Bottle_Fed

Bottle_Fed

Two Stroke
Woooh, wait a minute.....Grumman built the F14 series. I was a mech for this jet...that I know. And yes...D, all of the above :D

Greg
 
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