Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Skyblue
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tattooedcouple
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Skyblue
Scooter
A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. He knocks on the door and is greeted by an old Chinese man with a long grey beard. “I’m lost,” said the man, “Can you put me up for the night?”
“Certainly,” the Chinese man said, “but one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man.”
“OK,” said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.
Over dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as well, as she couldn’t keep her eyes off of him during the meal. Remembering the old man’s warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone.
During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. Near dawn, he quietly crept back to his room so the old man wouldn’t hear, exhausted but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read:
“Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest.”
“Well, that’s easy,” he thought. “If that’s the best the old man can do then I don’t have much to worry about.” He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw it out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read:
“Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle.”
In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones were better than castration he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted toward the ground he saw a large sign on the ground that read:
“Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bed post.”
“Certainly,” the Chinese man said, “but one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man.”
“OK,” said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.
Over dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as well, as she couldn’t keep her eyes off of him during the meal. Remembering the old man’s warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone.
During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. Near dawn, he quietly crept back to his room so the old man wouldn’t hear, exhausted but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read:
“Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest.”
“Well, that’s easy,” he thought. “If that’s the best the old man can do then I don’t have much to worry about.” He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw it out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read:
“Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle.”
In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones were better than castration he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted toward the ground he saw a large sign on the ground that read:
“Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bed post.”
Goin-Commando
Street Tracker
Hello everyone over here, good to see that all of the cool people made it 
oh yeah and FUCK! (I love that word )
oh yeah and FUCK! (I love that word )
Goin-Commando
Street Tracker
While walking through the Boulder, Colorado woods a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.
Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?
"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.
"You gotta be kiddin' me."
"No, I'm not kidin', would you like to give it a try?"
Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this, the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then
stripped him naked and left.
Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the hell happened to you?"
He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there chained to the tree naked. When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, "This just isn't gonna be your day, now is it, Cupcake?"
Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?
"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.
"You gotta be kiddin' me."
"No, I'm not kidin', would you like to give it a try?"
Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this, the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then
stripped him naked and left.
Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the hell happened to you?"
He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there chained to the tree naked. When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, "This just isn't gonna be your day, now is it, Cupcake?"
Goin-Commando
Street Tracker
One day little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his parents room to check it out.
He opened the door to see his mom bent over the dresser and dad goin at it behind her.
Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a little wink as Johnny
closed the door.
After business was finished Dad went to check on little Johnny. He
opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent over the dresser and
Little Johnny goin at it behind her.
Dad yelled, 'Johnny, what the hell are you doing?!'
Little Johnny replied, 'It's not so funny when its your mom, is it?!'
He opened the door to see his mom bent over the dresser and dad goin at it behind her.
Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a little wink as Johnny
closed the door.
After business was finished Dad went to check on little Johnny. He
opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent over the dresser and
Little Johnny goin at it behind her.
Dad yelled, 'Johnny, what the hell are you doing?!'
Little Johnny replied, 'It's not so funny when its your mom, is it?!'
Goin-Commando
Street Tracker
Little Kenny
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
shoot one of them, how many will be left?' She calls on little KENNY .
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like
your thinking.'
Then little KENNY says, 'I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of
ice cream The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose
the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'
To which Little KENNY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the
one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
shoot one of them, how many will be left?' She calls on little KENNY .
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like
your thinking.'
Then little KENNY says, 'I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of
ice cream The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose
the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'
To which Little KENNY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the
one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'
T
tattooedcouple
Guest
FOR SALE
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American Infidel
Not On My Shift Bert!Scary picture...
Goin-Commando
Street Tracker
LITTLE KENNY ON MATH
Little KENNY returns from school and says he got an F in
arithmetic.
'Why?' asks the father?
'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies KENNY .
'But that's right!' says his dad.
'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''
'What's the fuckin difference?' asks the father.
'That's what I said!'
Little KENNY returns from school and says he got an F in
arithmetic.
'Why?' asks the father?
'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies KENNY .
'But that's right!' says his dad.
'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''
'What's the fuckin difference?' asks the father.
'That's what I said!'
Goin-Commando
Street Tracker
LITTLE KENNY ON ENGLISH
Little KENNY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today
we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have
an example of a multi-syllable word?'
KENNY says 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little KENNY , that's a mouthful.'
Little KENNY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'
LITTLE KENNY ON GRAMMAR
Little KENNY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go
to the bathroom. He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'
The teacher replied, 'Now, KENNY , that is NOT the proper word to use in
this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate. Please use the
word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.'
Little KENNY , thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if you
had bigger tit's, you'd be a TEN!'
Little KENNY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today
we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have
an example of a multi-syllable word?'
KENNY says 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little KENNY , that's a mouthful.'
Little KENNY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'
LITTLE KENNY ON GRAMMAR
Little KENNY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go
to the bathroom. He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'
The teacher replied, 'Now, KENNY , that is NOT the proper word to use in
this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate. Please use the
word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.'
Little KENNY , thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if you
had bigger tit's, you'd be a TEN!'
Goin-Commando
Street Tracker
LITTLE KENNY ON GETTING OLDER
Little KENNY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on th e bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'
Little KENNY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'
The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little KENNY answered, 'No, he minded his own fuckin business.
Little KENNY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on th e bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'
Little KENNY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'
The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little KENNY answered, 'No, he minded his own fuckin business.
Goin-Commando
Street Tracker
Moggy
Scooter
Kenny on relations
Kenny come's into the kitchen. where his Mum is preparing dinner.
"mummy, mummy I can see Nana's Shrimp"
"What Do you mean, Kenny?" asks Mum
"Well, Nana is asleep on the sofa in the Living Room, she's got no panties on, and I can see her shrimp."
Wondering what the hell Kenny was talking about, Mum walks to the living room. And lo and behold, there is Nana, unconsious on the sofa, with no panties on, and her dressing gown open.
"See Mum I told you, look there is her shrimp"
"No, no Kenny, that is not Nana's shrimp, that is her clitoris"
She then goes on to explain what, why ,and the birds and the bees etc
"Hmm.." says Kenny
Scroll Down....
"Sure tastes like shrimp!"
Kenny come's into the kitchen. where his Mum is preparing dinner.
"mummy, mummy I can see Nana's Shrimp"
"What Do you mean, Kenny?" asks Mum
"Well, Nana is asleep on the sofa in the Living Room, she's got no panties on, and I can see her shrimp."
Wondering what the hell Kenny was talking about, Mum walks to the living room. And lo and behold, there is Nana, unconsious on the sofa, with no panties on, and her dressing gown open.
"See Mum I told you, look there is her shrimp"
"No, no Kenny, that is not Nana's shrimp, that is her clitoris"
She then goes on to explain what, why ,and the birds and the bees etc
"Hmm.." says Kenny
Scroll Down....
"Sure tastes like shrimp!"