>>This is a big part of the problem - somewhere, for some reason, assholes are out there putting corn syrup in all our food.<<
Everything has high fructose corn syrup in it now as well as loads of chemicals made from corn and soy. Even if you eat meat, you are eating corn.
If you haven't already seen it, watch this movie:
Food, Inc.
http://www.foodincmovie.com/
Its actually a good family movie event.
Or read the books:
Fast Food Nation and Omnivore's Dilemma
what a load of socialist crap!