Jokes Thread

[Flaco]

A penguin noticed an oil leak on his car...
Took it the garage and the mechanic said "I'll look at it, come back in an hour"...
The penguin walked out and noticed an ice cream store across the street...
Penguins love ice cream!
After finishing his ice cream he walks back to the garage and asked the mechanic "Well"?
The mechanic said "It looks like you've blown a seal."
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"No, I just had an ice cream cone!"

 

[loxpump]

Heartwarming lawyer story:

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine
when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you,"
the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over here
under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also.
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife
and six children with me!"
"Bring them all as well,” the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task,
even for a car as large as the limousine.
Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place.
The grass is almost a foot high."

 

[marty]

Give us a Kiss

Last week, a group of Hells Angels bikers were riding South on M11 in Essex, when they saw a girl about to jump off the Theydon Bridge at Junc27.
They stopped.
George, the top biker was a big burly American man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the Old Bill and he says, "Hey Baby, whatcha doin' up there on that there railin'?"
She says "I'm going to commit suicide!"
George says "Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe, how about you give ol' George here your best goodbye kiss?"
Without hesitation, she leaned back over the rail and did just that. And it was a long, deep, lingering kiss plus a few more real wet ones. George gets cheers of approval from his biker-buddies, onlookers, and even the Coppers.
"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you got there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me.
Why the hell are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl!!.. :chair:

 

[Whatshisname]

 

[R.Hawks]

HazMat team tagged this bike today!