Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Skyblue
- Start date
grumpy_1944
750cc
Well, I'm sitting at home with a bad case of bronchitis which keeps me off Bonnie. To pass the time I look for humor and decided to share with y'all.
grumpy_1944
750cc
Fun With Words
Coffee (n.): a person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted (adj.): appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.): to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Negligent (adj.): describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer
the door in your nightie.
Gargoyle (n.): an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.): the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.): a rapidly receding hairline.
Intaxication (n.): Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts only until
you realize it was your money to start with.
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating.
Giraffiti (n.): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day without
coffee.
Inoculatte (v.): To take coffee intravenously when you're running late.
Frisbeetarianism (n.): the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on
the roof and gets stuck there.
Beezlebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom
at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Coffee (n.): a person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted (adj.): appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.): to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Negligent (adj.): describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer
the door in your nightie.
Gargoyle (n.): an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.): the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.): a rapidly receding hairline.
Intaxication (n.): Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts only until
you realize it was your money to start with.
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating.
Giraffiti (n.): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day without
coffee.
Inoculatte (v.): To take coffee intravenously when you're running late.
Frisbeetarianism (n.): the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on
the roof and gets stuck there.
Beezlebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom
at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
grumpy_1944
750cc
:up:
grumpy_1944
750cc
portrait
A man moved into a nudist park. His grandmother wrote, asking for a photo of him in his new location. Not wanting her to know he
had moved to a nudist park, he cut the photo in half, but accidentally sent the bottom half! Mortified and worried, he recalled how bad
her eyesight was and he hoped she wouldn't notice. Three weeks later, he received a letter from her. “Thank you for the picture, dear,
but change your hairstyle; it makes your nose look too long.
Love, Grandma.”
A man moved into a nudist park. His grandmother wrote, asking for a photo of him in his new location. Not wanting her to know he
had moved to a nudist park, he cut the photo in half, but accidentally sent the bottom half! Mortified and worried, he recalled how bad
her eyesight was and he hoped she wouldn't notice. Three weeks later, he received a letter from her. “Thank you for the picture, dear,
but change your hairstyle; it makes your nose look too long.
Love, Grandma.”
koifarm
Hooligan
We should all never, ever get that old......:beer:
monty
Street Tracker
Teaching English
A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his
Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he
realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.
So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest.
He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The Priest is pleased with the response.
They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he
hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them both..
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years
teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how
could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied,
"My bike."
ENJOY YOUR DAY and remember to keep off the roads when riding somebody else's bicycle.
Monty
A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his
Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he
realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.
So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest.
He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The Priest is pleased with the response.
They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he
hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them both..
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years
teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how
could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied,
"My bike."
ENJOY YOUR DAY and remember to keep off the roads when riding somebody else's bicycle.
Monty
I have a mate who can really crack onto the sheilas, especially when we are down the beach so I asked one day what his secret was to which he replied that when he is at the beach, before going up to one of the fine lovely ladies he always drops a spud into his sluggers (speedo's, togs, budgie smugglers, swimmers, what ever the hell the rest of the world calls them) and it never fails to win em over and suggested I should give it a go. Well I did just what he said and after nearly a whole day of trying to crack on I didn't have any luck at all with any sheila, not even the ugly ones, so I went over to him to vent my protest and after a couple of minutes of whining and whinging and bitching he informed me that I was to put the spud in the front of me sluggers.
Lone Trumpet
Street Tracker
Twodogs - Your handle reminds me of an old joke. (Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fuckin?)
Page 59........best joke ever in my opinion, I always get a little girly giggle every time I hear it.......plus I have two dogs. My little english staffies. They are the best dogs ever next to a british bulldog and a bull terrier.
Lone Trumpet
Street Tracker
Sorry, Twodogs... didn't read all 60+ pages. I heard that joke proly 30 yrs ago. The names were different (Running Deer and Shooting Star) but yea... it's definitely a classic.
Hell, I am still trying to get through all of the "Babes on bikes" thread...I am a late reader or should I say, observer to that one
grumpy_1944
750cc
Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
A. A navel.
A. A navel.